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A Cure for Insomnia (excerpt) 
Every time my folks sent me to a shrinkhis usual question when he was first getting acquainted with me was, "What do you do all day?" My reply was sometimes, "I play hockey in Harry's Delicatessen". Couldn't have picked a better place to play hockey. And I'm at least as good a hockey player as Mickey Rooney or Larry from the Three Stooges. Sometimes they sent me to a shrink because I've had trouble getting jobs and keeping what few jobs I could get. The few jobs I've had I've either been fired from or they drove me bananas. 
And one of my shrinks proudly sat in his Empire-style chair with a South Ameican condor proudly perched on his shoulder while practicin' tricks with a yo-yo danglin' from his left index finger. Another shrink I can recall would sit proudly on his Louis XIV-style chair while munchin' on a cruller with his pet mynah bird proudly perched on his shoulder. I also tell him that every time I wait in the customer lines in Nortown Cleaners I wonder how come the cartoonists of our most popular newspaper comic strips never use Polish, Armenian, or Romany Gypsy names for their characters? Why only Western European names? "THAT all y'do all day? Soun's like a drag..." By the beard of the Lord Eordogh of Ordogkeresztur and Nagyeskulo, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Cseffei of Totor and Noszalya, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Bethlen of Kallo, Ecsed, Tokaj, Szendo, Murany, Szecseny, and Regecz, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Tomori of Devecser, Besenyo, Gyanda, Borsfalva, Csobad, Felso-Homrogd, Also-Homrogd, Hegymeg, Berkes, Szakacsi, Kercs, Senye, Cseb, Nyilas, Abauj, and Borsod, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Dolhai of Kereczke, Kusnicza, Zadnya, Kelecseny, Vizkoz, and Okormezo, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Visoi of Felso-Viso, it's a drag. 
By the beard of the Lord Pap of Also-Viso,it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Taracz of Bedohaza, Belavar, Taracz, Krova, Kraszna, and Ganyfalva, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Perenyi of Kirvafalva, Csarnatofalva, Komlosfalva, Szephegy, Turcsfalva, and Batarcsfalva, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Losonczi-Banfy of Solyomko, Micske, Toti, Szanczi, Szentlazar, Poklostelke, Almaszeg, Magyarlugas, Elesd, Rev, and Bankla, it's a drag. By the beard of the Baron Orlossy of Szepfalu, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Pogany of Tecso, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Vetesi of Or, Patyod, Vetes, Gegeny, Vaja and Apati, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Petofi of Petho it's a drag.  By the beard of the Lord Urmezei of Urmezo, Veresmart, Karacsonfalva, Felso-Apsa, Nyagova, Szelesztye, Majszin,
Szacsol, Jod, Konyha, Kisbocske, and Dragomerfala,it's a drag. By the beard of theLord Paszthoi of Pasztho, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Domokos of Mezo-Madras, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Barath of Nagybanya, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Barcsai of Szamosujvar, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Banffi of Ormenyes, it's a drag. By the beard of the Count Hont of Csabrag, Dregely, Varalja, Cseri, Varbok, Tot-Domanik, Also-Pomat, Bekestelke, Bagonya, Klaszita, Perendfalva, Tapolcza, Ledeny, Marot, Sallo, Suha, Hont, Vecze, Szalatnya, Teszer, Hrusso, Jablancz, and Podluzsany, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Suranyi-Csarnavodai of Surany and Csarada, it's a drag. By the beard of the Count Hont-Paznan of Rapocz, Parlagi, Buttos, Vajda, Krasznok, and Raksany, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Kover of Tur, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Szugyi of Meznevelo and Nyek, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Karoli of Guncz, it's a drag. 
By the beard of the Count Patocsy of Galad, Aracsa, Bessenyo, Nagylak, Fellak, Horogszeg, Somlyo, and Ilyed,it's a drag. By the beard of the Count Patocszy of Eperjes and Iregd, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Marothy of Keresztur, Iregd, Hosszuaszo, and Palules, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Szentivanyi of Saji-Gomor, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Pogany of Urmezo, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Hollosy of Felso-Lovo, it's a drag. By the beard of the Lord Severa of Godollo, it's a drag. "I couldn't handle tryin' t' memorize this for English class..." "Neither can I..."
Excerpt from "A Cure for Insomnia" © 2005 Lee Groban
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